3/27-28 V;s 3rd bday party, NM party Em and Bobby

These days have been very challenging for me. I hate it that luke doesn't feel his best. Monday we'll see an MD who can shed some light.

3/26 Becky and Kevin come for Violet's birthday party. They are surprised and excited about our remodel. A big compliment coming from the " decorator couple." They just purchased a gorgeous victorian home in Jersey City, and are excited to get working on it.

They spend the night and we enjoy talking.

3/27 We all drive to B-town for Violet's 3rd birthday party. Rain has rented a huge space which comes loaded with toys for various ages of kids. It's an amazing space. Xavier helps by setting up tumbling mats. V is dressed in a black silky dress. She was supposed to add her pink ballet skirt and hair flower. She won't. She takes off her silver shoes and plays in her pink tights. She has a strong feeling for what's right for her and what isn't.

Lots of kids, parents, older sibs and babies fill the room. The one activity is decorating birthday hats, but . . . . it doesn't thrill the kids, and it doesn't thrill V. What she does want to do is run and play. And she does. She and her little friends tumble and laugh and yell and sing and have a great time. Mitch and his wife are there (as they always are at Rain's kid parties) making music for all. Kevin brings some instruments and Luke brings his violin. The kids dance. Violet loves dancing. The birthday cake is stellar, baked by a 13 year old boy. He makes great Tella Tubbies--which V loves.

Truthfully, before we enter the party room, Luke lets me know that he's concerned. I feel sad and suddenly over whelmed by the whole western medicine thing. I felt like he was feeling better and not concerned. I sunk into a low state. I tried but couldn't pull myself out. Em sat next to me and asked what was wrong. I asked her not to talk about it and felt like crying.

I was down on myself. What kind of meditator am I? I need work. Now I'm down on myself as well as sad and scared. I do my best. I take lots of photos. They turn out very well. As the party winds down and parent prepare to leave, Violet comes to sit on Gramma's lap. She asks her cute little question, "What did you bring me Gramma?" I give her a little bag of cookies from the health store. Little round cookies just right for a little hand. V takes a bite and says, "I can taste cinnamon." I'm impressed. Is she a food network judge to be?"

My mind settles down a little but I'm not joyful Willow. You've got to work harder on controlling that wild mind.

3/28 Sale at NM goes well. At first I'm off. Then my mind does quiet down. I pray quietly.

Em and Bobby have an ellegant dinner party in honor of Kev and Becky's visit. The food is delicous and my mind cooperates. Tomorrow will tell a lot.

We have