6/14/09 Sleep late but get to Church/NM/Bday Cake

Last night Luke woke up with this breathing thing he does when he's tired.  I woke up with a start and couldn't get back to sleep.  Usually,  I do get back to sleep,  but not last night.  I'm still working my way through the shock of Friday morning.  I want to work through all the stages so I can be done with it  and grow spiritually.  

What went through my mind was ---the so typical--what I should have said.  Mom and I used to laugh about that stage.  I finally got to sleep but over slept on the other end.  Luke goes to Church early on orchestra mornings,  I usually get up in time to do most of my routine without his waking me .  But this morning I woke up at 10 o'clock when I need to walk out the door about 10:35,  10:40 at the latest.  I decide on a quick shower,  and coffee.  I'll take vits,  eat breakfast and so on when I get home.  

I move fast.  I'm rockin' it out.  I leap into my car and take off.  I call my sis,  she's still at Church herself.  And while I'm moving I go on to the next step in my anti shock program. 

 Baba would say,  don't blame anyone else for your mistakes.  Take responsibility.  Point the finger at yourself.  My first self accusation: When you pick up a scorpion it will sting you.  It will put poison into your body.  Where's the surprise there.  And when my mind complains--wahhh--- they said this ,  they said that . . . .  I tell myself NO.  NO MORE.  When you pick up a scorpion it's going to hurt you and you know it.  Now I am feeling better.  I take more and more responsibility.  I forgive those involved.  Do you hate a bee for stinging you?  Am I mad when Rocky scratches me?  No.  I don't want to pick up the scorpion again and I don't want to go near the bee hive,  but you can forgive someone without getting together with them or putting yourself in danger.  

Also I feel sorry for M.  She's old and from a different world.  Her whole life is falling apart and this time money can't save her.  I still care for her;  I just can't see her again.  Her daughter is not old.  She's just a mocking ,  ugly human.  Now, M will be her responsibility and she'll have to come up to the plate.  I will continue to pray for M and wish her well in my heart. 

So I'm going back over ways I could be more respectful of others.  Listen more.  Not talk so much.

I brag.  I don't mean to but I'm so excited about the way the shakti/holy spirit creates magic in

 my life,  and in the room where I teach ,  and so on --I disregard that students might not be ready to hear about the esoteric aspects of yoga.  

By the time I get to the church parking lot,  I'm concerned about being late.  I decide to cut in to the outer part of the parking lot and come into parking from the back.  And yes.  God is pleased that I'm not whinning and wahhhing anymore--that I'm taking responsibility.  I walk very slowly.  If I have to park far away,  I will be late.  But I'm in the flow.  A parking spot opens up,  and it's perfect.  Right near the walkway.  I'm psyched.

Pastor is talking about a subject dear to my heart--creating miracles.  The reading is Matthew 

13:53-58

 " Jesus came to his h ometown and began to teach the people in their synagogue,  so that they were astounded and said,  "Where did this man get this wisdom and these deeds of power?  Is not this the carpenter's son? . . . . . . Where then did this man get all this?  And they took offense at him.  But Jesus said to them,  Prophets are not without honor except in their own country and in their own house.  And he did not do many deeds of power there,  because of their unbelief.  

Hebrews  11:1-3

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for,  for conviction of things not seen.  Indeed,  by faith our ancestors received approval.  By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God,  so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible. 

Title of sermon: When We Expect Miracles . . . 

Pastor talked about holding on to our faith even when people throw their unbelief at you.  He told us to EXCEPT A MIRACLE and our faith will draw it in.  Faith.  

I go home and eat ,  I am reading an article in a yoga mag on endings leading into new beginnings.  And yes.  You know who will probably not let you know who else come to yoga class again.  Who knows what will happen there.  I wish my friend strength and grace in dealing with his issues.  

I go to NM.  Matt looks stressed.  He had a hard day yesterday and spent more time in the heat than is good for him.  He tells me what's going on in his life.  I tell him about my issues.  I can say anything to Matt.  He's the best.  We're talking about endings leading to new beginnings.  Nicole (Em's friend and my almost daughter) has known me for at least 15 years.  She's never taken one of my yoga classes.  She told me that she changed her work shedule and wants to start on tuesday.  Wow.  New beginnings.  

We have interesting customers and the day slips by.  A huge deluge falls on the parking lot in front of NM.  Huge.  Even so,  we do well $$$$ wise at the end of the day.

I go home to rest and get ready for dinner at Em and Bobby's.  The kids are having their bday cakes after dinner.  Em suprised me with the perfect strawberry cake filled with jam and iced with lots of thick icing.  There were three desserts.  One for Jennifer--a giant,  iced cookie,  one for Evan--an ice cream cake,  and the strawberry cake for me.  Jennifer is so funny.  She has lost some bets to a camp councellor who works with her and will have to wear crazy hats and glasses to work.  She complains but I know that she's having fun.  She lets me take pictures,  which she often resists.  We're all laughing and having fun. 

Life is good and I'm moving closer to God.