Today Luke left the house early for Church orchestra morning.  I did get up at the right time,  but fell back to sleep.  Blessing--Rain called about coming to Indy today and woke me up.  It was a rush and I didn't do my yoga but . . . I did the essentials and was in my car a few minutes late but basically on time.  I visualized a parking spot. Sometimes around the holidays,  parking is a problem.   But, there was my perfect spot waiting for me.  Not too much walking.  Cold?  Try frigid.   

Although I'm not a fan of icy winds and freezing temps,  I can deal if the roads and walkways are safe.  They were perfect.  

I slid into an aisle seat next to a pleasant woman.  The woman turned out to be R's ex and the mom of M.   What are the chances. 

Pastor gave a great sermon--as always.  Scripture: John 3:16-17.  For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son,  so that everyone who believes in him may  not perish but may have eternal life.  

Pastor about God loving all His children.  All different.  All lovable to God. 

He talked about a therapist who worked in a hospital for the criminally insane.  Staff and MD's kept changing.  The pressure drove most away.  This MD began a new personal program.  He went to  his office early.  There he studied the life of one patient at a time.  He'd read the awful challenges that the person lived through and he sympathized with that person from the heart. Then he read about the person's crimes and again he sympathized from his heart.  And he said I'm sorry that happened but I love you.  Little by little the atmosphere of the hospital changed and everyone noticed.  Patients that had to be tranquilized went off their medication ; staff and MD's were able to stay and work in a better,  more loving atmosphere.  

I'll be thinking about this for awhile.  People think that everything has to be explained and talked about.  What the therapist did was to pray with love and respect.  Prayer made the change, not words.  

After the sermon and Pastor's blessing,  I greeted M's mom and welcomed her.  She said that she's been lonely after her divorce.  

Then I went to the candle area and lit a candle for my sister --my prayer is that she'll heal up and put this scary bad health time behind her.  Prayer is the most powerful force.  I pray she'll be o.k.  when the eye doctor sees her tomorrow. 

When I got home the kids were in the house.  Rocky was so glad to visit again.  I patted his little head and soft ears.  He's so happy and grateful for a little attention.  Dogs are  sweet.

X gave Gamma a big hug.  Something he doesn't always do anymore.  I was happy.  I fed V healthy raisin bread with coconut oil instead of butter.  She ate it up and wanted more.  There's a miracle.  Not long ago,  her low weight was a concern.  Now she's eating and growing.  I had half a cheese sandwich on that amazing raisin bread and left for work. 

I working on taking personal responsibility for creating my own life.  Instead of blaming someone else,  I look to my own faults.  (Nayna is doing that as well)  

On Thur,  Luke took me to a jewelry store where we went last year.  We liked the atmosphere and we liked the salesman that worked with us--low key and knowing his stuff.  A very welcoming and fun place.  But last year,  I knew exactly what I wanted.

This year,  I felt like I shouldn't get jewelry because I'm getting a movie camera,  and we are redoing our upstairs master bath.  Luke really wanted to get me something.  I needed a chain for my Laxmi pendant .  I can't wear it because it's too heavy.  I thought I'd get a silver chain for a reasonable price.  

As soon as we walked into the store,  the "hostess" put us with a consultant that didn't know her stuff.  I didn't feel comfortable with her and we didn't hit it off.  I thought about leaving the store.  I wish I had.   Another woman came up and tried to help.   I was hopeful.  I turned my back on the first woman.  I felt a little angry with her.  She didn't understand what I wanted.  The second woman didn't understand either.  I like delicate chains and she showed me chains that you could tie someone up with.  Army style.  Maybe the store didn't have what I wanted.  I let myself get frustrated.  Now a man came up.  Maybe a manager.  He was going to save the sale.  Instead of leaving --as I knew I should--I let him show me a very expensive gold chain that wasn't as long as I hoped.  It was pretty,  but way,  way too expensive.  Way more than I wanted Luke to spend.  We bought it.

As we were leaving,  the first woman made an very loud,  very ugly remark about the situation.  I let it spoil my experience --of Luke's love for me and desire to gift me with something beautiful.  Now my mind was in full blame mode and I began to plot returning the gift,  calling a manager and reporting the woman of the ugly remark.    I stewed for awhile.  

Wait,  Willow.   I stopped and asked myself the big question:  Where was my fault in all this?  Well,  it started with going to a jewelry store to begin with,  and looking at gold when I wanted silver prices.  When I changed consultants,  I could have turned to the first woman and thanked her for her time.  And so on.  I took responsibility and a deep breath.  The victim mentality melted away.  How clear who created the mess.  I wouldn't have to repeat the mistake.  

Now I have to decide whether to ask Luke to return the gift.  He won't love the idea,  but he'll be glad when it's time to pay the bills.  I'm not sure what I should do.

The miracle in this is that it doesn't matter what I decide.  It matters that I caught myself creating a negative situation.  I was able to  stop dwelling on it and letting it grow out of proportion.  I took responsibility,  and freed myself.

I brought M his Christmas gift.  The truffles from Trader Joes.  M loves Traders and he loved his gift.  

The kids came to NM.  V wanted to come to me and sat on my lap .  She played with a  calculator.  She reads now ,  it's fascinating.  She's adorable.  Rain always says that V loves her gamma.  I think we're similar people on the inside.   

M let me go home a little early.  The weather was scary cold.  I was concerned that the kids head for B town as early as possible.  

When I got home,  Rain had lighted the Hanukah candles ( they have decided to be Jewish) and they were singing songs.  It was sweet.  I sang with them and made up words.  X was getting tired and crabby.  Gamma's silly songs made him smile in spite of himself.  We had fun.  We called the Christmas tree a Hanukah tree.  And the lighted deer Hanukah deer.  X giggled.  

 V got a Wiggles tape.  She was excited.  She named the different Wiggles and commented on the tape like a much older child.  This kid is smart.

They left for B town with the promise to call when they got home.  Suddenly,  I knew they were walking in the door.  I called them and they had just walked in the door.